I recently completed my first trade with the Don of trading- Wicked Ortega. I was a little nervous to be honest with you. I didn’t want to end up like this poor bastard.
I think in my short time as a blogger that was hands down the greatest post I’ve read yet. I would LOVE to tell someone I am going to rip their heart out of their chest and I’ve often wondered about the art of doing such a thing. I'd probably find a way to mess it up. What if you couldn’t get a grip of the heart? Would you leave your hand in there and feel around until you had it, or would you just immediately pull your hand out and pretend all you meant to do was pierce your opponent’s chest? What is the threshold of time you leave your hand in the body cavity before you start to look uncool? Would you worry about your hand getting tangled in all the veins? And wouldn’t you be worried about cutting your wrists against the rib bone fragments that you just created? I assume rib bones would be sharp. Maybe pulling out someone's throat would be the way to go instead. I saw Patrick Swayze do it on Roadhouse so I know that's a real thing.
Man, what a cool way to die! If I knew I only had 24 hours to live, I might try to find a ninja (or Wicked Ortega) and ask him to rip my heart from my chest. Actually, I haven’t put much thought into ways I would like to die. However, I have given considerable thought to what I would like done with my remains when it does happen. Would you like to know? Sure you would:
1) Krispy Kremated: If Krispy Kreme would allow it, I would like them to run my body through their donut conveyor belt. I would get deep fried, flipped, deep fried some more, and then my body would slowly roll under the glaze waterfall. Then they could put me in a casket.
2) Doon Chipper: I would like my body to be slowly rolled into a wood chipper that was pointing out into a lake or ocean.
It will be one of those two ways, mark my words.
Until then, I will enjoy the cards that the Don sent, and sleep with one eye open if I hear he is upset with me.
Thank you for the trade Don Ortega, you truly are an all time great!